Lots of Tears and Many Break Throughs

The past week has been chuck full of emotions, that's for sure.  After delivering Baby J, I've been on an emotional roller coaster ride.  And I'm so grateful for my husband because he has been my constant through it all.  He knows me better than anyone else and he has embraced me every step of the way.  He has had my back whenever we face a new struggle and he has prayed over me when I've been sobbing in defeat. And my son...oh, let's not forget about PQ.  Our boy has lovingly encouraged me throughout the week with kind words of affirmation and he has showered me with endless hugs when I've felt defeated.  Both of my boys have helped me get through the past week, even if I wasn't graceful in my own steps.

My attempts to breastfeed did not go as I had planned.  I imagined this natural resource as a beautiful way to nurture my child.  I loved the intimacy of our feeding times but those harmonious ideals came to a screeching halt when I began bleeding, blistering, and cringing at every feeding time.  My days became consumed with fearful thoughts of the next feeding time.  I watched the clock not because I was excited about the next time we would sit down and enjoy one another...but instead, I watched the clock anxiously knowing that the knife-like pain would soon be happening again.  For hours upon days, my body clenched with agony over our feeding times.  My family watched as the tension unfolded before their eyes.  Papa H continued to encourage me every step of the way and told me countless times that he would support me if I chose to stop nursing.  But that was never my intention so I continued trying.

I spent some evening hours mid-week with Glory at the recommended medical facility trying to glean from the lactation consultant.  She immediately noticed how red, blistered, and bloody my breasts had become.  She watched Baby J latch on to feed and she told me that he was an extremely aggressive eater and she gave me some tips to help with his latch.  I made some modifications, pumped, and I continued to nurse him the best I could.  My breasts continued to bleed and blister and my desire to spend time feeding Baby J sank.  I continued to sob through every feeding and on Saturday evening, we made the decision to start bottle feeding Baby J.

Making that decision was the most difficult decision that I've had to make.  I felt guilty and my pride got the best of me.  While it's not what I set out to do, I am so relieved that we made this choice.  For once since his birth, I'm enjoying my time with Baby J.  I love holding him and seeing him look into my eyes.  And through this all, I feel like God will be glorified in our parenting choice.  He is glorified when we joyfully spend time nurturing the children that He has willed to us.  Up until Saturday, I had allowed the pain to rob me of my time with Baby J.  But since making the choice to bottle feed, I'm feeling excited to spend my time with him.  I look forward to snuggling him at his next feeding time.  I'm learning a lot about myself, my husband, and my kids in the process.  And my joy has been restored.

Deep down I'm sad but I know that we made the best choice for my physical and emotional wellbeing.  And because things roll down hill, I know my family is going to be in a better spot because of it as well.  After all, their wife/mama is smiling again.

Baby J is born!!!

 

On Sunday, March 23rd at 7:49am, we welcomed Baby J into the world.  He weighed 8lbs 8oz at birth and was 20 inches long.  My labor was much faster than anyone anticipated and I'm sure I will share more details in the days to come.  But for now, I wanted to at least upload some pictures for all of you to see and enjoy.  Our hearts are OVERFLOWING with love for this little guy.  He's absolutely perfect.  Such an amazing display of God's grace.  Without further ado...introducing Baby J...I promise you that you're going to fall in love so sit back and take it all in.  XOXOXO

 

He has no idea how many people were anticipating his arrival.

 

 

Papa H was taking it all in...

 

 

My loves...I feel like I'm dreaming.

It's really true...NONE of this is a dream.

I am so grateful for God's grace and His mercy. 

 

 

Sweet moment with Mama.

My rock...seriously, this man amazes me.

Baby J...

 

 

...our own miracle story.

 

Wow...with tears flowing down my face, I just want to say THANK YOU to all of you who prayed for us over the past 10 months.  You really have no idea how much you've blessed us by petitioning on our behalf.  We are utterly amazed, overflowing in love, and over the moon grateful for His blessings and provisions  Thank you again and again.  We love you!  xoxoxo



Say What?!?

The past few days have been interesting and I've managed to capture a few funny moments to share with all of you.  PQ is getting anxious to meet his baby brother but part of him still can't wrap his head around the fact that this is really real.  During a recent conversation with PQ, he asked me if I really had a baby in my belly.  I was a bit taken back by his question and I immediately responded with yes.  I then probed him a little further by saying something about the ultrasound pictures being proof.  But without hesitation, he immediately explained to me that with technology, people can make anything look real.  SAY WHAT?!?  Are you serious, PQ?!?  Hahaha.  We have assured him time and time again that this baby is very much so in my tummy...and within a matter of a week or so, the living proof will be residing in our home.  A week, y'all....a week!  Does it seem surreal to anyone else?!?

And even though this next snip-it isn't an actual SAY WHAT, it is a funny visual that I couldn't help but share.  Last night I found Sugar sneaking out of her room (about an hour after she was put to bed).  If you know anything about Sugar, you know that she sneaks around at night without us knowing only to be found in awkward locations throughout the house.  (I know...it's creepy...but it's something that she's always done).  Last night was no different.  She had been sent to bed early by Papa H after being naughty at the dinner table.  About an hour after being sent to bed, I unexpectedly found her crawling out of her room in the pitch black in an army crawl fashion.  Yup...there she was laying flat on the floor, pulling her body using her strong elbows, hoping to scaggle to a place unknown to me and Papa H.  As soon as I saw her doing the army crawl, I told her to get up and go get back into bed.  With a slight sigh of defeat, she stood up and went back to bed.  And I immediately turned around to go find Papa H to share the recent sneak attack.  She never ceases to amaze me.

Sneaking a nap with Mama...

What happens when Mama tries to lay on the couch for a mid-afternoon nap while Sugar is supposed to be getting ready for her own nap? Well, she scaggles out into the livingroom when her Papa isn't looking, crawls up on the couch with her tired Mama, and tries her best to 'fit in'. Sneaky girl...sneaky girl...

 

 

Baby J- 4D picture!

Today's appointment went well.  Papa H and I traveled to the big city and had an opportunity to see our little guy in 4D.  When I was pregnant with PQ, this was never an option for us...so we were thrilled to have the opportunity!  We were OVERJOYED to see him on the screen, although it was rather difficult for the tech to get a good shot of his face because his head is already engaged.  But she did manage to get a few shots for us to see his face.

Full cheeks, anyone?!?

(His hand is in front of his face in this picture..)

He is measuring approximately 7 pounds, 11 ounces and judging by the picture, his cheeks are quite chubby.  I love it!!  The appointment with my doctor following the U/S went well.  I am currently 2 cm's dilated and 80% effaced.  The doctor immediately commented on how low he is positioned, which she said was a huge difference from last week.  She predicted the labor to be quick once he decides to make his entrance into the world (because he is already so low).  We shall see.  We shall see.

Pregnancy- 37 Weeks

How Far Along: 37 weeks...only 18 more days until my due date!

Size of baby: Approximately 19 inches long and weighing approximately 6.5 pounds...although we won't know for sure until next weeks ultrasound.

Total Weight Gain: 34 pounds...3 of which were gained since last Thursday's appointment!  Seriously?!?  3 pounds in 5 days?!?  What's up with that?!?

What I miss: Comfort while sleeping!

Sleep: In all honesty, my sleep schedule is a MESS!  I fall asleep for about 2 hours at a time.  I'm usually wide awake around 3:30am...and most of the time, I don't go back to sleep. 

Symptoms: I would say WATER RETENTION after the extra 3 pounds in the past 5 days...hahaha!  Oh, and heartburn, heartburn, and more heartburn.

Cravings: As of last night it was chocolate ice cream with strawberries!  Yum...

Aversions: Does sleep count?!?  Someone please tell me that I WILL fall back in love with sleeping!

Movement: Yes indeed...and as much as I love feeling him move, I don't love the sharp pains that accompany his sudden movements.

Maternity Clothes: What kind of question is this?!?

Best Moments this week: Going to the doctors today and finding out that I'm getting SO CLOSE!!  I'm 1cm dilated and 70% effaced. 

What I'm looking forward to: I have an ultrasound scheduled for next weeks appointment, if I haven't delivered yet.  So either way, I get to see our youngest son (either via U/S or in person) next week!  I am SO excited to see him!!

Stay tuned...